Personal | Should I be Private?

For the past few months, I’ve been thinking about something. Should I become more private and close this blog? I truly love writing and sharing pieces of my life online. This space means a lot to me. I’ve spent so much time writing, designing, and building it into something that feels like home.

But recently, I’ve been feeling certain things that make me scared of being public… of opening up to new people. I don’t want to start an anonymous blog. That doesn’t feel right either. But what about this one? The one I’ve poured my time and heart into? While I’ve met many kind and beautiful souls here, I’ve also encountered people who make me afraid to open up again. And sometimes, that fear lingers longer than the good experiences.

I’m torn between protecting myself and continuing something I genuinely love. Maybe I just need to learn how to be open while still protecting my peace.

I’m still figuring it out.

- Nana

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Personal | My Journey To Light

Due to high demand for my job, I have been feeling like I was trapped in a fog. Rather than letting it go, I have been trying to hold it in, thinking that this is the time for me to grow, so even though it is difficult, I need to hold it in. In my previous post (Link), I already went through the 'difficult' phase in my career. It continued until the middle of this year, and I could not take it anymore and decided to change my career path from C & S consultant to project management. Honestly, it was a shame for me to quit being a C & S consultant, and I miss doing some engineering design because it was fun for me. 

So, why did I decide to leave? It is because I rarely had time for myself. I overworked. I don't have work-life balance, and I only went to work and then home. The turning point that made me firm to leave my job was when I started to get all sorts of sickness in one month. I took a lot of Medical Leave in one month, but still switched on my laptop to do my work. People might think that I have some shares in the company, but the truth is, I was just a corporate slave.

Choosing to leave was one of my hardest yet necessary decisions for me. It is about time for me to reclaim my health, my time and work-life balance. I used to think that this statement was cliché, but it is not. Now, I am moving to a new chapter of my life and what I can do is to continue praying to Allah and hoping that this decision is going to be the best for me, my life and my career path to find balance and fulfilment.

If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed in your career, know that it’s okay to reassess and make changes. Sometimes, stepping away from what you love is part of the journey to rediscovering it in a healthier, happier way.

- Nana

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Random Thoughts | This Too Shall Pass

 

Why do we tend to try to control and change things that we can't do then we keep being upset because we can't control or change it? Since we were unable to do it, we started to feel overwhelmed and upset over it. I also feel the same and it is hard to change this mindset but I really do hope that I can change my mindset and it will affect my mood on a daily basis. It is hard to change the hard and lingering feelings.

I have been ignoring my warning signs of burnout. When I did, I tried to get rid of it one by one. But it seems like I am still stuck in the same old cycle and I am rotting away. It is not that I don't seek help, I do but it seems like none is helping me much. This shitty cycle really needs to end because I am tired, my body is tired. Sometimes I do feel like the pressure I have been getting from people around me, especially during work is not worth it. Whenever I try to do something when I, myself am not in the best condition, I can't control my 'emotional self' that keeps leaking out. Because of that, I tend to do something and make a decision while being emotional. Which is obviously not good for sure.

I felt weird when people thought that I was capable of holding all those things at the same time but I think that I always make things more messy. As time goes by, it is harder to keep myself from being emotional over something that I can't control. There are some things that I can be ignorant and I feel thankful for that. But I hope that I can be more ignorant to save myself from drowning in the sea of guilt and bad feelings. I keep feeling emotional but keep having this thought "If I cry now, it can't settle anything but I only feel tired from crying instead". 

But instead of feeling negative all the time, I try to keep myself positive by trying to fight with my subconscious self and tell myself a good thing so that I can gain back my strength.

Shawn Mendes - Hold On

I don't know what

You're going through

But there's so much life

Ahead of you

And it won't slow down

No matter what you do

So you just gotta hold on

All we can do is hold on, yeah

Yeah, you just gotta hold on

Just hold on for me

This too shall pass.

- Nana

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Acenana

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Lifestyle | I Have Been Away For So Long and Busy Chasing Chaos and Surviving

Greetings!

I have been away from writing on this blog for so long. My last posting was in November 2020, which is now 2024. How fast the time flies. There have been so many things happening to me since November 2020. It is likely because I have started losing interest in doing everything I used to love such as doing arts, writing in this blog, exercising, etc. I have missed connecting and being inspired by all the creative things I used to do. 

For the past years that I have been absent, the story might have been a bit boring and depressing but long story short, I am just busy chasing chaos and surviving in my career. But then, suddenly it was already December 2023. I feel like I have been missing out on so many things. I have seen some of my friends already accomplished something and it feels like I have stayed in the same spot for years. My personality also changed a lot. I am becoming a short-tempered person, my energy depleted easily, I enjoy being alone instead of hanging out with new people and I don't smile easily.

"I really need to change and live my life in the present instead of stressing over my future" One day, this thought suddenly came out of my mind.

I feel like I am surrounded by negative energy that affects my health mentally and physically. I didn't really feel joy in anything and kept being sick all the time. Yes. It is not only affecting me mentally but physically. I have never been this sick before 2023. But in 2023, I even developed gastritis because I skipped lunch/breakfast/dinner. I slept late or slept less than 2 hours causing migraine, face breakouts, fatigue, losing/gaining weight and even hair loss. There was a moment when I took too many MC in 1 week that I only worked one (1) day, the rest were sick days.

However, I am already in the process of recovering and currently I am starting to feel more content day by day. Here are the things that I have done and am planning to do in 2024.

// To start Positive Journal

I started a journal where I will write at least a compliment for myself every day so that I can look back and feel the joy and satisfaction. This action actually worked for me. Whenever we jot down something positive that happened throughout the day, more or less it will change our mindset that there is still something good happening in one day no matter if it is a big thing or not. I would like to recommend all my readers to start this Positive Journal journey.

// To start back doing all of my hobbies

This might be the hardest for me because I already lost interest in doing things that I used to love. It is the most difficult thing to be committed to doing something that can only be done with my willpower, and the only thing I get is the satisfaction of doing it and the ability to finish it. For now, I can finish 1 sketch in my sketchbook, and another one is the digital sketch (which I just started to explore).

//Exercise

Exercising is good however for some depressing moments, exercising can make you feel more exhausted. I don't really like jogging and hiking can be too tiring for me at the moment. So, I choose to learn how to swim. One of the biggest things that I could accomplish in 2023 was learning and succeeding in swimming. Swimming can be so relaxing and ease my migraine after a whole day of working.

//Visit new places & spend some time in nature

For me, I love sudden planning to do this activity. For example, texting a friend for a sudden road trip to see the sunrise, the sudden road trip to go to the waterfall and many more. I have read somewhere that seeing nature can lower stress hormones, and anxiety and reduce the feeling of depression. Being with nature can help you think clearly and is one of the great ways to de-stress and relax. I can tell you that it is true. I do feel a bit healed whenever I am on a sudden road trip to see nature.

//To have some "me time" on Friday night after work

After spending your 9am to 5pm job from Monday to Friday, I think it is good to wind down and enjoy your nighttime alone doing something for yourself. You deserve to be pampered and to feel rewarded after spending your weekdays working. At this moment, usually, I prefer to do something relaxing and calming. I will prepare some hot drinks for myself, set a table on my bed, turn on my humidifier, wear my best pyjama to relax with a book, watch some movies or do my own facial and hair spa. For me, I prefer this way because during weekdays, I am always surrounded by people, so it feels calming whenever I am by myself. The introverted personality in me is screaming for a me-time every week. So, this is a must for me 😆

//Set some boundaries when you are working and whenever you are not

As for someone who works with people who don't know some boundaries, I think it is important to set an example that working life is not everything. If you think working life is important for you, don't drag or guilt-trip others into thinking that other people don't take their job as important as you just because they choose not to reply to you outside working hours, or whenever they take Annual Leave. Be more rigid and not afraid of turning down other people's requests so that you can have time for yourself, family and friends. But, in reality, it is really hard for me to set these boundaries for my clients and contractors. Like my boss said, I am on leave but the work is never on leave. I always asked for help from my colleagues and handed over some urgent matters to them. But, suddenly the urgent matters became non-urgent matters, and some other projects suddenly became urgent. So, more or less, whenever I was on leave, I still had to answer phone calls or texts from everyone. This is one of the issues I am still trying to figure out and settle.

//Progress towards personal spiritual reformation

Islam teaches us that the purpose of our life is to worship Allah S.W.T. and to devote ourselves to seeking His Love. But, actually, it is difficult to remove our worldly desires. For me, I try to spend my time a day for Islam. Learn more about Islam, read al-Quran, pray, etc. Islam teaches us that everything happens with the will of Allah. Islam teaches us to be grateful, peaceful and content with our life.

As I said earlier, I am aiming to do everything to make myself happy and content with my 2024 Vision. I have visualised my 2024 vision in this moodboard and I even made it as my phone & laptop wallpaper 😆

All these photos are my vision of what I want to do and planning to do this year. I also plan to keep writing. For the past years, I have been missing, I am still writing, but I choose to write privately in my journal. I love this blog. I have been writing on this blog since I was a teenager so this blog holds a very special place in my heart. When I opened this blog, I just realized that I had a few posts that I wrote in the draft but never published in my blog. So, I will publish the posts one by one to keep them in my blog.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice day!

-Nana

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Personal | Life Update

Assalamualaikum and greetings!

WOW, my last update was in August 2019! Life was so hectic for me since 2019 because I was in my final semester to finish my studies. Alhamdulillah, I managed to complete my studies in January 2020. I successfully finished my final semester with flying colour results. Fast forward, I managed to secure a job as a Civil Engineer at a sub-contractor company. 

At first, I find it was quite challenging for me to be in the construction site for the whole day. I was and still worried about my own safety and even thinking to buy myself a pepper spray. They said to not trust anyone 100% onsite. No matter if they are construction workers or the staff. I hope you know what I mean, working around men all the time. Sometimes, I need to be onsite until night. This challenging working environment is seriously mentally drained. If I am not used to working this hard, I would quit my job after a week started working.

But lucky for me, I found myself a very kind and helpful boss and senior where I am not afraid to ask questions and to make a mistake. FYI, I made a lot of mistakes but they said that everything will be fine since I am still learning. Alhamdulillah.

Other than that, I still managed to keep drawing since drawing is still and will always be my hobby. Hoping that I can find some times to post my artworks here. Actually, writing in this blog is not for popularity or anything, but for myself. It is a diary where everyone can read. The posts in this blog were my past memories, good or bad. 

I seriously hope that I can still be committed to this blog in the future. Post more with helpful content for engineering students. For me, I love to have someone who is willing to share with the students since the students need to be more exposed to the industries and to help them to choose their course for further their studies or to choose a career path. So, those who want to ask me questions. I am more willing to help you by sending me an email or contact me through my social media accounts. My nosiness might be helping someone to choose their path wisely.

See ya!

-Nana

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Lifestyle | My Own Way To Manage Stress

Greetings to all! 

Wow, I seriously got no time to write something for my blog. It feels like a waste to keep this blog untouched for a very long time. As a final year student, I am dealing with a ton of assignments, projects, examinations, and my final year project. It is really exhausting and I had to deal those things with sleepless days. There was a moment where I did not sleep a wink and went to finish all my works and it was hella exhausting and I could not even speak correctly. I know it is very unhealthy and very dangerous for myself. This thought often comes out from my mind, "I am so bad with time management and planning". I couldn't agree more. It is true. I am bad with time management and planning. 

My plans were always changing last minute and from that, I end up doing my works half-heartedly which I hate the most. Although my works were satisfying, people were unimpressed with my proposal and it was very exhausting. So, I keep doing the same thing repeatedly from day by day. It is very tiring, annoying and exhausting. everything was not going so well and I keep failing. It makes me wonder, "Wow, I am really stupid". 

One day, I felt too suffocated with that unhealthy lifestyle. I need to get out from here. I need to breath fresh air from somewhere nice. I need to do something that will keep my stress away. But to cope with my stress, I always drawing something. But, I don't have enough time to draw. Something came out of my mind. I decided to went to watch the sunrise near the beach. I always get to watch the beautiful sunset but rarely sunrise. 

I went to watch the sunrise at Pantai Minyak Beku, Batu Pahat with my housemate, and it turns out well. Watching sunrise along with the sound of the wave hitting the beach calming my mind and keep myself back to the neutral. I can't stop smiling that morning. It seems like the wind takes away my burden and stress, the sun rising seems like lifting my energy and will, and the wave is hitting my inner self to keep me going. Subhanallah, seeing Allah's amazing creation is so calming. 

 The beautiful sunrise although it does not come out at the sea. But I still satisfied. Next time I really should check the compass direction at the chosen area to watch either sunrise or sunset. 😂

A picture of me. I touched up the picture a bit by using Adobe Lightroom. Isn't it amazing?

A little break is also one of the ways to manage your stress properly. Go for a walk, do something you like, exercise and go hiking. It is important to keep your mind healthy and strong. All you need to do is run away for a little while, and come back to finish what you have started. We all need a me-time sometimes.

Have a blast!

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Acenana

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