Random Thoughts | This Too Shall Pass

 

Why do we tend to try to control and change things that we can't do then we keep being upset because we can't control or change it? Since we were unable to do it, we started to feel overwhelmed and upset over it. I also feel the same and it is hard to change this mindset but I really do hope that I can change my mindset and it will affect my mood on a daily basis. It is hard to change the hard and lingering feelings.

I have been ignoring my warning signs of burnout. When I did, I tried to get rid of it one by one. But it seems like I am still stuck in the same old cycle and I am rotting away. It is not that I don't seek help, I do but it seems like none is helping me much. This shitty cycle really needs to end because I am tired, my body is tired. Sometimes I do feel like the pressure I have been getting from people around me, especially during work is not worth it. Whenever I try to do something when I, myself am not in the best condition, I can't control my 'emotional self' that keeps leaking out. Because of that, I tend to do something and make a decision while being emotional. Which is obviously not good for sure.

I felt weird when people thought that I was capable of holding all those things at the same time but I think that I always make things more messy. As time goes by, it is harder to keep myself from being emotional over something that I can't control. There are some things that I can be ignorant and I feel thankful for that. But I hope that I can be more ignorant to save myself from drowning in the sea of guilt and bad feelings. I keep feeling emotional but keep having this thought "If I cry now, it can't settle anything but I only feel tired from crying instead". 

But instead of feeling negative all the time, I try to keep myself positive by trying to fight with my subconscious self and tell myself a good thing so that I can gain back my strength.

Shawn Mendes - Hold On

I don't know what

You're going through

But there's so much life

Ahead of you

And it won't slow down

No matter what you do

So you just gotta hold on

All we can do is hold on, yeah

Yeah, you just gotta hold on

Just hold on for me

This too shall pass.

- Nana

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Acenana

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Artwork | Why I love to Draw

 

Hi readers!

To be honest, ever since I started working, it has been hard to maintain everything that I have done during my free time back when I was a student. I used to draw so much to the point that my bedroom wall was full of my drawings. I used to explore many kinds of arts such as pen sketching, architecture sketching, portraits, doodles, painting, digital arts and many more. I have tried it all but I do not feel I have mastered any. Hahaha! After a lot of exploring, I found that I do better in pen and architecture sketching. But only in black and white because I do not have any good sense of colour combination. My drawings always turned out bad when I decided to colour them. So, I just let it be black and white, just like my life. >-<

Moreover, I found that doing this kind of art style really heals me and helps me to calm my mind. The more tiny my lines were, the more that I found myself healed from all the things that stress me out (Well, at least at the moment). Drawing really helped me to discover, reflect on and to express myself. There was a moment when I felt overwhelmed and started to draw, and once I started I felt like my mind went blank and only focused on the drawing. After a while, I started to reflect on myself and realise what kind of actions I should take or avoid. It feels like I have found myself while drawing and it helped me to think of something calmly. I even think that I wish that I could do it forever. But, I have decided to not work in the art field because this is the thing that I love to do as a hobby and I don't want it to change to be something that will be stressing me out.

I actually don't really like people to watch me while I draw. It feels really uncomfortable. When I draw, I prefer to completely exclude myself from the world. I don't even like to be in the same space with others while I draw. Is it an introvert thing? hahaha!

Actually, my work field is also related to what I love to do. I work in the design field. But engineering design for houses. As a metaphor, architects work to design the human exterior (i.e. skin, flesh, eyes, nose, feet, fingers, body shape) while engineers design the support of the body (bones). The architect designs the house but we, the civil engineers design the support of the house (i.e. beam, column, foundation). But the civil engineer's scope of work is actually wider than that. 

So, during work, I actually have felt in a slump. Designer slump. Hahaha! The feeling was almost the same as people in the art field felt. To get rid of that thing in a moment, we need to take five and go for a walk, go see some greens or take a shower to get our inspiration back.

How about you? do you have anything you like to do to spend your free time? I am going to share my latest drawing that I follow from Pinterest. Since I am not drawing professionally, I just search for some inspiration from Pinterest and copy to redraw for my leisure.

Thank you for reading!

Much love,

- Nana

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Acenana

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