Hey there,
I am in my late twenties. It was a very complicated age where people even myself thought I should already be very sure of my life, stable, and able to figure out almost everything in adult life. But somehow, I can only see most of my friends are progressing in their own life but not me. I saw it all through social media. I suddenly feel the urge to compete with them and be better. I wondered why I couldn't get what they had and couldn't do what they had done? I felt like I was becoming more ungrateful with my life as days passed. To avoid that, I started to find another solution, I started to push myself to the max and hone my skills at work. 😅
But, my nature of work is not that great. My previous job left a huge scar on my heart. I even was ghosted by a previous company for months with no feedback or salary (because of Covid-19). I was a bit lucky at the time that I didn't have any commitments at that moment. Ignoring the walking red flag, I started working back there when the boss called me to work. I met a very narcissistic person which made my job harder and toxic at the same time. 😓So, I decided to change my job to pursue a consulting firm instead of staying in a construction company. I also want to hone my skills in design and take the Professional Engineer examination to get an Ir. title. During my first and second years working, I was so motivated to learn and do my job really well that I was entrusted with so many things at one time.
The responsibility started to be huge for a 2-year-old freshie like me. I started to be overwhelmed because I had to be directly in charge of most of the projects and had not much experience leading them. To catch up on things, I started to work overtime, slept really late and woke up early. Clients kept demanding things and they started to ignore the 9-5 working hours and even called me at late night. I took the calls and tended to all their needs. I felt really depressed and exhausted. I even felt anxiety whenever my phone rang because of them. One fine day, I just realised that I was avoiding the negative things I felt from seeing people through social media by jumping into another pit full of poisonous snakes.
I started to slow down. I told my boss that I was exhausted, and overwhelmed and things were getting really bad. I started by developing boundaries with my clients by just doing anything that I could at the moment and might not be able to reach the deadlines set by them. I won't answer their calls anytime earlier than 9AM and later than 6PM. I even set my phone in a "do not disturb" mode outside working hours. I did get some complaints because they said I was late but I slowed down for my own mental health. I am just a worker, not a business owner for me to be too passionate about working more than I should. I don't even get paid working overtime, so why should I?
Since I started to slow down, I am focussing more on myself. I started to be a nature lover and always planning something for myself. My current obsession is that I always plan to travel and it really motivates me. Whenever I am not working and on holiday mode, I try my best to not doing my work and just focussing the moment. I started getting better. I avoid myself to watch people's Instagram stories and just use my phone to watch something silly from TikTok, and IG reels and read Manhwa. I go for brisk walks from time to time and if I want to go somewhere, I just go even when I am alone. Rather than keep being jealous of why my friends' daily lives look so much better than mine, I changed to be someone who loves seeing them enjoying their lives. I have my loving family with me and my loving small circle of friends, what more can I wish for right?
There are still many things I need to figure out. But as I take one step at a time, I’ve learned to be more grateful for my life. If things don’t go as planned, I can always find another way. After all, we can only make plans, but Allah SWT always has the best plan for us. Don’t you agree?
Thank you for reading. How about you guys? Any better tips to share with me? 👀
-Nana
